aghhh tummy hurt

2/26/2026|By lileryn

i eated too much pizza but anyway one dream i was doing figure skating but with kiddie floats on my feet and i was on water like a lake at the other dream it was really violent so trigger warning i guess. i was still living with my abuser as a kid and i guess i finally decided to kill him. so i filled this syringe up with this substance that you're supposed to use intravenously to ween off drugs. but i filled it with a super high amount. then while he was distracted, back turned i ran up and stabbed him in the back with it and injected it beneath his skin as fast as i could. he passed out and started convulsing so then i took a hammer and smashed the shit out of his hand for some reason (not his head??) and then i ran away with my mom. i ended up finding out later than he didn't die in that instant which i thought he did. he actually eventually woke up and went to the neighboring circus to get help. he went to hospital. and they were treating his hand and stuff but i think once they realized he'd been injected with the stuff it was over. no cure. he died slowly over the course of a month. i felt a very sick pleasure and satisfaction knowing he died slowly and suffered :)

AI Generated Interpretation

This dream sequence vividly intertwines expressions of survival, rebellion, transformation, and buried trauma. Beginning with lighter, almost whimsical imagery—figure skating over water with kiddie floats—the unconscious playfully invokes a sense of innocence, precariousness, and playful adaptation. Water is often associated with emotions and the unconscious, while skating typically suggests graceful movement over potentially unstable ground. The fact that you are not skating on ice but on water; and with makeshift floats instead of skates, suggests feelings of navigating emotional issues in an unconventional or improvised manner. There is a clear sense of vulnerability but also a resourcefulness, a childlike determination to participate and glide despite limitations. In stark contrast, the second dream segues into much darker territory, confronting past trauma with violence and decisive action. Here, the abuser symbolizes not only a literal past figure but may also represent internalized dynamics of fear, oppression, and wounded power. In Jungian terms, the abuser may function as a shadow archetype: a manifestation of repressed rage or pain seeking resolution. The act of attacking the abuser—using a symbolic instrument like a syringe—directly addresses the winding poison of trauma, as if seeking to excise or neutralize its lingering effects. The excessive dosage reflects both the urgency and extremity of your desire for liberation, as well as the overwhelming burden you may have carried. The sequence with the hammer and the abuser's hand—rather than the head—could reflect a desire not to destroy consciousness or identity, but rather to incapacitate agency or the ability to 'do harm.' The hand, in dreams, can symbolize grasp, agency, or creative power. By targeting the hand, you may unconsciously seek to prevent further harm, blocking the abuser's capacity to act rather than simply erasing his existence. This nuanced choice speaks to the complexity of anger and the limits of retributive fantasies—sometimes what we really seek is to stop the cycle of harm, not just eliminate the source. The emotional arc of the dream—culminating in the abuser's slow demise and the pleasure you feel—invites complex feelings of vengeance, justice, and release. While Freud might interpret this as a wish-fulfillment fantasy, granting safe space to process forbidden anger in sleep, Jung would likely frame it as an encounter with the shadow: a confrontation and partial integration of repressed, painful aspects of the self and past. The sick satisfaction described is not uncommon when dealing with profound injury; it holds up a mirror to feelings that are difficult to process or fully acknowledge in waking life. The circus setting in which the abuser seeks help later could symbolize the absurdity, chaos, or surreal nature of both trauma and attempted healing. In seeking escape with your mother, there is another archetypal thread: the longing for protection, unity, or a return to nurturance. That the abuser survives at first and continues to seek aid may reflect persistent anxieties about the inescapability of trauma—that even decisive actions cannot always guarantee closure. The drawn-out nature of the abuser's suffering might symbolize how the impact lingers in the psyche, slowly fading only over time. The dream ultimately offers catharsis, but simultaneously suggests that healing is a protracted process. Reflective questions for consideration might include: What parts of myself have I had to improvise or adapt in order to cope? What am I ready to release or transform regarding my past? Are there feelings of justified anger or protective instincts that need safe exploration or expression in waking life? How do I perceive resolution—what does true safety and closure look like to me, and how might I move towards it, both internally and externally?

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