It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me.

I was back at my university, but it looked very different. It looked more modern, kind of like a really aesthetic café. It had wooden walls and floors, lots of big windows, green plants and steel stairs. There was a fall event going on, and many alumni, like myself, were present. My parents were also at the event. It was all very pretty, and the grounds outside were covered in fall leaves. It was a beautiful day. I remember watching something on TV with my dad in our hotel room. Before the event was going to begin, I remember trying on a costume (for Halloween, maybe). It was an Attack on Titan costume, the black suit the Scouts wear in Season 4. I felt really powerful in it. But, I was outside when I was trying it on. I was high up, like I was on some kind of ladder or balcony overlooking the campus, but there were plants surrounding me so no one could see me. When some students got close on the balcony, I quickly changed back into my normal clothes because I felt silly and embarrassed. At the event, which took place in a room in the school, like I described above, I recognized some faces. I saw SJ, JI and more. I also saw a EV with FM, but I didn’t talk to them. I was nervous, and I didn’t really want to. Seeing them made me anxious. My parents began to encourage me to talk to EV and FM, and I started to get a little upset. Suddenly, my dad was talking to EV’s boyfriend like they were old friends. My dad asked why I had such a problem with EV. I agreed that her boyfriend was nice, but I asked why he cared so much. The pressure was getting to me. For some reason, EV just being there was really stressing me out. She scared me. SJ joined a table with my family, but I was starting to have a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe right. I tried to explain how much EV scared me, but no one understood, so I left the table. I headed to the closest set of stairs to escape the crowds (and I remember passing MC on my way). However, this heavy-set girl with glasses and blonde curls stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t recognize her, but she had a mean look on her face. She kept trying to talk to me with a sweet voice, asking me questions to get to know me. I tried to pass her, because I was still teary-eyed and shaking, but she wouldn’t let me. She started making assumptions about me and accusing me of things as she looked me over. I remember her blocking me against the wall and staring me down, saying, “I bet you have an eating disorder. You’re so skinny.” I think I began to cry, and anytime I tried to run, she would grab my arm and hold me in place. I think we began to make noise because some people below the stairs began to notice us. MC came to see what was going on, and so did a male teacher. The girl left, and I sat downstairs with MC. She just talked to me casually as I calmed down. At one point, I stood in a corner by myself to take a breather. Suddenly, I saw TC, but as she walked closer to me, she turned into EV. She placed a piece of paper in my hand as she walked past me. When I looked at the paper, it said someone else’s name. It looked like a recipe with the name “Maria,” or something. I wanted to ask why she gave it to me, but I was still nervous to talk to her (if you can’t already tell, we have a complicated history). When the event was coming to an end, I went outside. I found AC sitting in the dirt, and I joined here. These two tiny baby birds were there, and they kept coming up to me. They were so sweet. It didn’t seem like they wanted me to leave them. AC pulled out a nice container that she filled with bird supplies like a little bird bath, bird food and more. I was prepared to take care of them. I already loved them. ••• There is a lot to unpack here. As I’ve been thinking about roommates recently, I think trauma from my previous roommate experiences is resurfacing in this dream. I’m nervous to have another roommate because I’ve had so many problems with roommates in the past. However, the girl with the blonde curls, I think, represents that I’m not sure if I’M the problem or if the ROOMMATES were the problem. Am I to blame? Is there something wrong with me? Either way, I usually feel like I have to hide my true self from people. For example, I like anime, but I don’t usually tell people that. But, I am lonely. I wanted to take care of the birds because I wanted to have something good in my life.